Love from a Friend

6/16/13

I never thought that I would have a best friend who is incontinent, is rarely able to speak a full sentence to me, and is in the seventh stage of dementia.  I do.  I have known my precious friend for almost a year now.  So much can happen in one year, and in this past year, I have seen her health and abilities deteriorate. There came a point in time when my friend was no longer able to put herself to bed, so as her caregiver, it was up to me to find a way to help her to bed at night.  Together we discovered a trick that enabled her to keep her dignity and enabled me to get her tucked into bed at night.  Apparently, a large bottle of lotion and the promise of a back and foot massage can work miracles.  This became our routine.  Countless nights, I have sat at her feet and rubbed lotion in until she is relaxed enough to sleep.  Some nights, we sat in silence, and other nights, I retrieved fragmented bits of her life story as we attempted to converse.  Each night ended with a hug, a kiss, an "I love you," and an "I don't know what I'd do without you," from my friend.  She does not remember my name or anything about me except she knows that I love her.  I hope that this becomes how I am perceived by all that I encounter in my life.  After all, it's not about me, it's about Love. 

My heart hurts a little bit tonight because as I began my nighttime routine with my friend, she was not herself.  I gave her our famous "hug up" (a giant bear hug that gets her from sitting to standing up), and she was so weak that she could not hold her weight.  I borrowed a wheelchair and brought her to her room.  My friend is tough, but tonight every time that I tried to transfer her, she winced in pain on the brink of tears.  She was running a fever, and her speech was a jumbled assortment of discombobulated words.  With God's help, I got her in bed.  Then I  sat with her holding head propped up on my lap and helping her sip waster while we waited for her daughter to come.  Eventually, her daughter made the call for her to be taken to the ER.  EMT's came to take my friend away to the hospital for medical treatment.  At first, I thought I was feeling sad because I wouldn't be able to be the one to take care of my friend in her time of need.  But now, I realize that I am also mourning the possibility of losing something...someone so special.  Often, people ask me, "How do you do it?"  "Don't you get exhausted and burnt out?"  Then they praise me for my patience, forbearance, compassion, etc...  Clearly, they don't realize just how blessed I am.  Tonight, I am not feeling sad because I had to put up with a lot of shit, I am feeling sad because I might be losing someone who loves me so very much and has taught me a great many things about patience, compassion, etc.  Love is not always easy, but it is worth it.  I thought that I was giving...but I definitely received!